THE PROUST QUESTIONNAIRE

Doesn't everyone do old French parlor games when they're bored?

No? Just me?

1. WHAT IS YOUR IDEA OF PERFECT HAPPINESS? Extreme tinkering.

2. WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST FEAR? Dropping an Airpod in the bathroom.

3. WHAT IS THE TRAIT YOU MOST DEPLORE IN YOURSELF? Wondering if I'm overthinking.

4. WHAT IS THE TRAIT YOU MOST DEPLORE IN OTHERS? Body odor.

5. WHICH LIVING PERSON DO YOU MOST ADMIRE? Tupac.

6. WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST EXTRAVAGANCE? Gucci.

7. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT STATE OF MIND? Bzzzzzzzz.

8. WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER THE MOST OVERRATED VIRTUE? Being busy.

9. ON WHAT OCCASION DO YOU LIE? I would never.

10. WHAT DO YOU MOST DISLIKE ABOUT YOUR APPEARANCE? I sometimes look like a muppet.

11. WHICH LIVING PERSON DO YOU MOST DESPISE? You know who you are.

12. WHAT IS THE QUALITY YOU MOST LIKE IN A MAN? Tolerance.

13. WHAT IS THE QUALITY YOU MOST LIKE IN A WOMAN? Intolerance.

14. WHICH WORDS OR PHRASES DO YOU MOST OVERUSE? “Where are my keys?”

15. WHAT OR WHO IS THE GREATEST LOVE OF YOUR LIFE? Ideas.

16. WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU HAPPIEST? Chicago, ’96, ’97

17. WHICH TALENT WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO HAVE? Speed reading.

18. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE? My sweet tooth. It will send me to an early grave.

19. WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER YOUR GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT? Never tiring of burritos.

20. IF YOU WERE TO DIE AND COME BACK AS A PERSON OR A THING, WHAT WOULD IT BE? A world-changing Twitter feud.

21. WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO LIVE? Barcelona.

22. WHAT IS YOUR MOST TREASURED POSSESSION? A wrench my grandfather made.

23. WHAT DO YOU REGARD AS THE LOWEST DEPTH OF MISERY? In life? Coasting. 

24. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE OCCUPATION? On a bicycle? Coasting.

25. WHAT IS YOUR MOST MARKED CHARACTERISTIC? Mediation.

26. WHAT DO YOU MOST VALUE IN YOUR FRIENDS? Presence.

27. WHO ARE YOUR FAVORITE WRITERS? The ones who inspire a re-read.

28. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE HERO OF FICTION? Dante.

29. WHICH HISTORICAL FIGURE DO YOU MOST IDENTIFY WITH? Dante.

30. WHO ARE YOUR HEROES IN REAL LIFE? Insightful strategists.

31. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE NAMES? North. Saint. Chicago.

32. WHAT IS IT THAT YOU MOST DISLIKE? Guilt.

33. WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST REGRET? Every tattoo.

34. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO DIE? In fresh underwear.

35. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? The road to great work is paved with flat squirrels who were indecisive.